A simple analogy.

How can God know all and still not force our actions in everyday life?

For Him, watching us live our lives is like you watching a movie you’ve seen a hundred times. You know the characters inside and out, where they’ve been and where they’re going, even though they have no idea. You still watch the same old movie because you love seeing the characters develop and react, despite the fact that you already know what they’re going to do, they don’t! And it’s their reaction to everything happening for the first time that keeps us watching. It will always be new to them.

Not to mention we’re all suckers for happy endings. During the whole movie the characters are convinced things will never work out, but in the end they realize how every situation they were placed it played a crucial role to reach the happiness they found in the end. The story is resolved.

God likes happy endings too, or so I’d like to believe. Perhaps this is all too simplistic an analogy, but I feel like it could be relevant to say the least. Except perhaps, God is the director, because He created it all in the beginning according to His design.

But there will always be a happy ending.

Passover Feast - Jewish Style!

I realized it’s been a while since I’ve posted here, and I’ve really got to work on that. -_-;;

Today I went to a Baptist church for a Jewish Passover dinner, which was significantly more official than I expected it to be. We spent a good hour just prepping really, by understanding the purpose behind everything and speaking some of the parts. Honestly I didn’t know we were doing anything but eating, so I was kinda grumpy.

But I did like the end, where they made an interesting analogy. They had a special display container that had a piece of Matzo (cracker-like bread) on each of its three levels, and we broke the bread in the middle and ate of it, never touching the other two. They compared these three levels to the the trinity: The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. We broke the bread on the middle level, because it was the Son in the middle of the trinity who was broken for us.

That bit was my favorite for the whole night I think. It made me realize how, despite every intellectual debate, holy war, or petty feud occur between the beliefs, they share so much history and a very real Savior.

God makes me happy.

I’m giving my life to the only one who makes the moon reflect the sun, very starry night, that was His design.

—Chris August in “Starry Night”

On another note, I’ve been thinking about that last point recently, how we sometimes carry disappointment with ourselves and our lives because we’re looking at the wrong thing, the gap between where we are and where we want to be, long to be, wish we could be, or dreamed we’d be at this point in our lives, in our career, relationships, bodies, talents, etc., when instead we should be focused on the gap between who we are today and who God created us to be.and our relationship with him, the only things that matter at the end of the day, and how much he continues to love us along that path with fatherly, and motherly, accepting, guiding and nurturing love, desiring that we love ourselves with the same patience.

—Dad

Happy Ash Wednesday =)

Today I got to go to Ash Wednesday mass, which quite honestly snuck up on me, as did the whole Lenten season, and now I’m not too sure what exactly I’m giving up/doing extra for the 40 days. However, I do have the ashes on my head and the spirit in my heart willing me to assert myself to whatever it is I decide! I’ll have to think on that.

I have quite a few Catholic friends in my college that, quite frankly, don’t do anything even remotely God-related unless they’re home and being forced to. And this makes me sad, since coming to God should be a decision they make, and not one they choose to abandon the moment they get a taste of freedom. I’ve probably been quite annoying to them actually, occasionally asking them to join me at mass or bible study, and they politely refuse and I pout and we both move on with our days. Well today I just felt the need to bring my friend to get his ashes. He said that apparently he had never received ashes before, although he’s Catholic, and that the mass would eat up an entire hour of his time. Oh pooh, ashes represent our renewal and you would’ve spent that hour watching useless tv anyway! So I pouted enough such that he joined me. Normally I won’t force someone, but today I just felt he needed to go. Afterwards I thanked him and told him how much I appreciated his coming… I don’t know if he could ever understand how proud he made me simply by going.

After mass I received reconciliation, which I honestly do not experience as often as I should, and as usual, forgot most of my sins right on the spot! Very annoying. But I realize that I do have to be extremely prepared to have complete and successful confessions… I can’t do it spontaneously. I need to mentally hype myself. I’ve said some heavy things in those sessions, and I’ve fallen in love with the priests who’ve helped me through those times. Forever grateful for the hand that reaches out in blessing, how much more can I feel and give to a merciful and loving God?

Have a good Lenten season, and I hope you can find a good personal petition for your 40 days! God bless.

I would rather be hurt than angry, because then I run towards God instead of running away.

—Ray

Happy Valentine’s Day! =)

(Source: leilockheart)

I think I understand now.

I was wondering, why is it that God kept my almost little? Was it because I prayed, because the timing was bad or the situation wasn’t the best or any of the material reasons? Why did that life cease to live?

Today in Bible study I asked the group to pray for me and my family, explaining the situation, and there were some serious prayers said in tears and confused emotions soon following… But in the prayer my friend said this,

“That child is still yours, God, and so you love her. She is with you, and you will always love and care for her.”

At that moment I realized. That was why she wasn’t here. God loves her, and He knew we couldn’t give her the life she deserved. It was because He loved her so much that he kept her. And that answer satisfied me.

She is in a good place right now. Just up a ways, watching over me… How ironic, my almost little is now like a big sister.

Wishes… Prayers… What is it that you want most?

I always think I know what’s best for me. Don’t we all feel this way at some point? You’re in control of your life, it’s yours, your know what must happen next or what you need to do to put it in the right direction. Sometimes you can make the moves yourself… And sometimes you can’t. So you pray.

Lately, I’ve been praying for a lot of things. I put in my specific ideals of what I want to happen, and wait as if the prayer is pending to either be accepted or denied. I’ve always noticed that a lot of times, when I want something that is small and/or almost purely selfish, I’ll get it. Maybe I’m the one who makes it happen, or God pulls through for me, but either way I always feel I know what’s coming in my direction. That used to excite me, I felt like I had an in with God or something. However, recently I’ve been realizing that little prayers for theoretically little things can have big outcomes. Big, bad outcomes. And I’ll still get what I asked for, only to realize that what I wanted wasn’t what I thought it would be.

I’m going to be honest here, I asked for something that was not my place to say and far beyond my control. There was a baby from my father’s relationship that was coming into the picture that was, in all honesty, terribly timed. The ages of the parents, the financials, everything was just all wrong and there was little reassurance that the child would be healthy since the mother was over 50, and so it seemed this child would not lead a good life. So I prayed that, God willing and in its best interest, it would not be born. It sounds terrible, but I figured that staying with God would be better than living down here with us, who can’t give you the life you deserved. So I prayed for it, acknowledging it was not my place to say, but that was my opinion of what should happen, and low and behold it happened. There was a miscarriage. We are now living through the emotional stress of the death of the unborn child who is still very much a real part of our family, and I never knew the toll it would take on me. I dream of her, and I want her to be part of my life, even if only in spirit. And I do ask for prayers. But the point is, I thought this was best, and I asked for it. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t, but now I must live with it. And I thought I knew what I wanted.

There are many other examples, like loves that couldn’t be, work brought upon the self, and an overwhelming emotional collapse of every granted prayer that turned out to be not as expected. But such is the gist.

I don’t blame God. Not at all. I wanted these things, I asked for them, and He was so kind as to grant them unto me. But I’ve been hurt, and I am hurting, and I have learned that I may know what I want but I do not know what I need. Only He does, and He gives blessings to me every day that I do not recognize or even thank Him for. So thank you.

And after all this, I still have a prayer to ask of my own accord.

I want to be happy.

NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY